Being on the receiving end of cruelty is hardly a preferred experience. Some event or person comes into your space and ruptures a piece of you. The worst part of cruelty is how indiscriminate it can be. Sometimes it comes down to being born in the wrong century, or standing at the wrong place at the wrong time. You really don’t seem to have to ask for it and before you know it, you’re caught up in some crazy shit, chewed up and spit out in a heap of WTF.
But I realized something: It’s bad enough that the terrible thing that happens actually happens. Whats worse is when you walk around with it after its over. Emotional Spam. A pop up banner of some crap experience you didn’t want to have in the first place. The woman drinking her coffee at the bus stop looks just like your manipulative sister-in-law. The cologne your ex used wear, pulls up the memory of him and it puts a hole in your heart all over again. What about the traumatic moments involving people you still love and want in your life? Maybe you don’t want to cut them off life because they’re worth keeping around? What about the people you can’t keep out of your life?
You ever ask yourself how much of your will power goes into carrying those memories? Then how much of it goes to holding resentment about it? Then on top of that, how much energy goes into avoiding the stimuli when they do pop up in random places you have no environmental control over? How much of your personal bandwidth does that take up anyway?
Way more than I’m willing to allocate to it.
Denial of the past is a waste of time. Everybody knows that, right?
But where most people fall in a loop is re-imagining what they experienced under in the interest of Learning From The Past.
It is helpful to respect painful events for the lessons they teach. They help you explore what to aim for moving forward. Not how awful the pain was. You probably don’t even process pain the same way as you did at the time you experienced it. The you that experienced that trauma didn’t even have the experience of what that kind of trauma even felt like. That version of you hadn’t even survived anything like that before. But you, right now? You right now has already gotten past it. There really is no productive use in regurgitating your painful history, grabbing a spoon and choking it back down again. Because we know what comes next right? Belly ache.
I’ve decided to do myself a favor. I’m going to give much due respect for the pain in my past, take a lesson from it in my heart and leave the rest behind me like a haircut. I know there are people out there who feel me on this.
Reach out to me for a free course on how to give yourself the gift of emancipation from emotional pain.
makedifferentdecisions@gmail.com